A man tells you he wants to be with you. That he has never felt this strongly for anyone else. You are everything he’s ever hoped for, and he can’t imagine his life without you. But he hardly calls or texts or spends any time with you. What gives, right? Is it cowardice, laziness, timing or what?

As a man, I’m here to get honest about those guys who are all talk but no action. First, ask yourself these questions:

Does he have the kind of job that keeps him away for days, weeks, or even months at a time? Does he have kids from a previous relationship? Does he go to college and work as well? What kind of person is he? A solitary type? A socialite? A workaholic?

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If you answered yes to all or most of the questions above, he is probably not relationship ready. But this is not on you. A man that enters a relationship with so much going on (or sometimes going wrong) should have disclosed his situation. If he’s never opened up about why he’s full of false promises, it behooves you to ask him what’s going on.

Also, your man could be so consumed with life and work that he may just want an LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship. This is an intimate relationship where you spend most of your time separately rather than as a couple. Some heavily career minded men prefer this type of relationship as they are soley focused on reaching their career or educational goals. So, why not break up with you? Men like this do want a stable relationship; they just can’t give you what you need at the time. And they don’t want to let you go in case they lose you. So all talk and no action it is then.

On the contrary, if your man isn’t super busy and his career and life are on track, he may be all talk and no action because:

• He might be with another woman (or other women).
• He is not as in love with you as he says he is.
• He just wants someone there because he doesn’t want to be single or alone.
• He likes the benefits of having a girl when he wants to be present, but doesn’t want to commit 100 percent.
• He’s trying to push you away so you break up with him. Yes, it happens. Yes, he’s a coward.

The best solution: communicate openly. Talk to him face to face. If you hardly see him, text him that you’re done. If he truly cares, he’ll show up to talk it out. And when he does, put your foot down. Demand that things change, or your relationship is over. If there is no consistent change over time (he needs to show you he’s not just shaping up for a week or two), it’s time to walk away.

However, if you’re not in love, ladies, please don’t waste your precious time. Don’t even bother associating with him after the third, fourth, fifth time he doesn’t show up or “forgets” to call you back. Find the next brother that will give you the time of day and give you the relationship and attention that you so rightfully deserve.

You meet a guy, sparks fly and he seems to be the one you’ve been looking for. He is everything you have always wanted in a man. In fact, if you could make a wish list, it would totally be him. But he does not want a serious relationship. You pursue him anyway.

In the beginning, you secretly think he will change his mind because after all, he’s perfect. He’s going through all of the motions, and taking the time to get to know you on a deeper level. You’re learning so much about him. You’re wondering why someone would invest so much time in you if they weren’t serious about you in some way. It’s definitely not all about sex. All you need to do is go with the flow and eventually he’ll see what an amazing woman you are, right?

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Wrong. If a guy tells you he doesn’t want to get serious, he means it. Regardless of his actions, he does not want to be your boyfriend. This is the worst type of dude, he’s a mindfucker. And here’s why he keeps messing with you instead of just hitting and quitting it:

He wants to leave his options open to see other women.

He is telling you that he is not committed to you so if he meets another cool girl he is free to date her too, and you can’t get mad. That cute girl at the gym? He’s free to chat her up anytime he wants. He’s single. He’s available. You are an option, that’s it. Right now, you just happen to be option number 1.

He doesn’t have to answer to you.

If he wants to go out with “a friend” and shit seems suspect, guess who has no right to question him? That’s right, you!!! If he goes ghost on you for a few days and gives you some vague answer as to where he’s been, well, you’re not his girl – and you knew the situation. These mind fuckers have it made!

He isn’t introducing you to his friends.

If you have never met one single friend or family member, that is a huge red flag. Maybe he talks about them and you know them on a first name basis but you don’t get to meet them. He may not be proud of you, or considers you a secret. If you have met them and he’s introducing you as his friend, seriously? Do you fuck all of your friends?

Now, let’s go back to the beginning: is he still everything you’ve ever wanted in a man? Is this really your wish list? This guy is treating you like an option, and you need to make a choice and leave him. There are absolutely no consequences for his behavior because you have accepted a “relationship” that’s more of a “situationship” where you will never come out on top. You are investing time and energy in someone who is giving you nothing in return. He is living in the present moment and filling the current void in his life.

It’s hard but you have to cut him off. Stop all contact. If he really is the exception to the rule, he will seek you out and do right by you. Never lose sight of who you are and what you have to offer in a relationship by settling for a man who doesn’t see your value.

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